To Fix or Not To Fix

It's been a long time since I've written here, and in that time I've done a lot. One of my most recent obsessions has been working on my old Mongoose mountain bike. I've been swept up in the recent popularity of fixed-gear bikes, and thought it would be a good project to convert mine over.

What I ended up creating, however, was a monster. Any bike shop I took this into, has said that it was the most unorthodox machine they've ever laid eyes on. I stripped the bike of the derailleurs, shifters and cables, replaced the front brake with a metal road brake, replaced the wheels with road slicks, the stem and handlebars with drop-down road-style bars, and, as planned, remove the gears on the rear wheel and screw on a fixed cog and secure a bottom bracket lockring with Loctite.

I have some doubts as to the safety of this thing, since some of what I'm doing has rarely been done, and probably for good reason.

So today after my internship at Squeaky Wheel I'm going to head over to Buffalo Blue Bicycle for some no-charge do-it-yourself bike work.

Hopefully this will work. If not, I'll just scrap a road frame and fix that up -- at least all the parts will fit.

The Yes Men

Who are the Yes Men? Are they some ultra-underground indie band? Maybe they're a "hipster deathtrap"; some made-up band name for the sole purpose of making them awkwardly say "No, I haven't heard of them..."?

No. The Yes Men are "a genderless, loose-knit association of some 300 impostors". They are people who agree and sidestep their way into press conferences and interviews and speak as "representatives" of any given company or its shareholders.

At this point, they wreak all sorts of havoc in the most amazing way. Posing as a large company, like Dow, the Yes Men then announce that the company will be taking measures for the benefit of humanity at the expense of its shareholders. This, of course, is the opposite of the company's actual priorities, but in the meantime the corporation's evils are exposed.

Pure genius:



One of their latest "hijinks", shown in this video, is in light of the Bhopal incident, where a Union Carbide (owned by Dow) subsidiary pesticide plant in Bhopal, India released 40 tons of methyl isocyanate gas, killing approximately 3,800 people. The Bhopal tragedy is frequently cited as one of the world's worst industrial disasters, and Union Carbide and Dow have done a minimum amount of effort to aid recovery of the survivors.

In the video, one of the Yes Men poses as a Dow spokesperson and announces that Dow will be liquidating Union Carbide in order to fund a fully comprehensive medical care plan for the victims of the disaster, at the expense of Dow's shareholders, because they felt it was the right thing.

Within minutes of the BBC conference, Dow's stock prices plummeted, and Dow quickly issued a statement saying that they had no employee by that name — that he was an impostor who was not affiliated with Dow, and that his statements were a hoax. BBC then broadcasted an apology.

"Jude Finisterra" was actually Andy Bichlbaum. In 2002, The Yes Men issued a fake press release explaining why Dow refused to take responsibility for the disaster and started up a website, http://DowEthics.com, designed to look like the Dow website but give what they felt was a more accurate cast on the events.

For other videos, visit http://theyesmen.org and Youtube.

The Evils of Urban Outfitters

On one of your yearly or bi-yearly trips to the local mall, you're detachedly browsing the stores with your friend who is clearly more into it, since you're not the mall-y kind of person, and you happen upon a store front that looks like this.

"Oh!" you exclaim to yourself. "This looks kind of interesting. From the front this store looks much more avant-garde than any other store here."

You walk inside, taking in the warm, soft feeling of culture and bohemianism, and then it hits you.

You're now a niche. A stereotype. A social clique; a counterculture. In the time it took to walk through that door because of the initial appeal of the outside display,
you acknowledged your affiliation with the targeted demographic.

How does it feel? Are you as angry as I was? Well, your hatred is not irrational. Let's go over the reasons why stores like Urban Outfitters, Anthropologie, and American Apparel are Hell's outpost on earth.

1) The look: Someone, somewhere, must have seen someone in their city's arts district and thought, "Wow! That's so stylish! I wish I could find a store that sells that thrift-store look without actually making me go to a thrift store. I'd pay hundreds for that outfit!" And the corporate demons took the bait, set up a store front with skinny pants, beaded dresses that make you look pregnant, trucker hats, and ironic t-shirts, and the yuppies and hipsters came in waves to collect the overpriced merchandise.

UO is the physical embodiment of the evils of both marketing and counter-culture.

2) The political hypocrisy: Isn't it odd that the store with such an effacious liberal target has had Republican senator Rick Santorum as a political beneficiary for years? Well, their owner, Richard Hayne, has been funneling profits from his stores into Santorum's campaigns.... I wrote an email to Mr. Hayne, giving a suggestion:

To: richard.hayne@urbanout.com
Cc:
Re: Urban Outfitters Tee-Shirt Slogan

Dear Mr. Hayne,

I've come up with a new idea for a UO Graphic Tee message:

"MY DOLLARS FUND CONSERVATIVE CAMPAIGNS"

I can't wait to hear what you think! Maybe they could put a picture of Rick Santorum wearing UO Skinny Jeans or something underneath.

Thanks,
-Alfonso Gober

Urban Outfitters, not surprisingly, released an "ironic" shirt that said "Voting is for Old People". GET IT GUYS? All you liberal kids must hate voting, that's why you need to leave it to the grown-ups. Who will vote Republican.

3) Good Ol' Racism: At one point, they sold the game "Ghettopoly", a supposedly humorous board game that, through sticking up banks and disrespectfully using the names and images of black leaders ("Martin LUTHOR King! Get it? We're funny!"), the game basically just perpetuates the black stereotypes of criminality and drug use that us blacks can't even stop perpetuating ourselves. "It draws on stereotypes not as a means to degrade, but as a medium to bring together in laughter," creator David Chang defends. "If we can't laugh at ourselves ... we'll continue to live in blame and bitterness."

But you left out the part where it's not funny. And you're an idiot.

Jeffrey Lewis Makes Comic Books (And They're Pretty Good Ones, Too)

Jeffrey Lewis is one of those renaissance-y types of musicians. That is, he tends to do more than one kind of art very well, and of course, has less recognition than he deserves. One of my favorite songs of his is "Williamsburg Will Oldham Horror", in which he thinks he runs into Will Oldham on the L riding through Brooklyn. The ending is gold:



In addition, he makes comic books! He's currently doing a series called "Fuff" (formerly "Guff"), you can order them from his website, thejeffreylewissite.com.

I truly advise those of you interested in lyrical-driven folk with actual references to pop and underground culture, to check this guy out. Or even if you just want to laugh.